oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
