Will you blow on my dice?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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