I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
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