dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
