hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Randomize