Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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