I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
