What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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