508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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