There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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