Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize