PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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