I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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