I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
