i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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