the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it was like eating out sand paper
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
