This is not my ceiling
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
