I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
