I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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