using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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