I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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