dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
