i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
