how can u be prego again
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
