i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it was like eating out sand paper
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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