Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am available for nakedness
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
