I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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