community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
soo... how was my night?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
