Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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