Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
