mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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