I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
