how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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