i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize