just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
