It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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