i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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