70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
