You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
