dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
