Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
