Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize