New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
