im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
