no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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