If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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