dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
