You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
