did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
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There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
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I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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