Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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