He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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