Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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