I think i sorta joined a cult last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
