Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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