hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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