You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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