my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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