party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
