my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Let's get the cat blown out
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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