somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
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