either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Watching her eat just hurts me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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