You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
