Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
