He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
