So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she peed on how many people?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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