Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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