he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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