You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
