The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
