she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
