dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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