the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
