how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
