I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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