I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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