you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
