i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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