We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
