She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
