I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you win again, gameday.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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