both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
