Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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