tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
